streams of living water

When God is trying to get my attention, I have a hard time giving in and giving it to him. Usually it's for a stupid reason, like other people are around, or I'm afraid I'll cry, or I don't know what to say or how to respond. Sometimes, it's simply because I don't want him to have a say in my life, which is a sad, but honest, truth. However, I have absolutely zero excuses when it comes to listening to God and following his voice (the Holy Spirit). When it comes to God requiring or asking something of me, I better not hesitate. Firstly because there can be some painful consequences. Secondly, because when I listen to God, and give in to the Holy Spirit, I find freedom. There is absolute healing when I give in to him, and lean on him. I'm human, and I suffer with doubt, and I have fears-- one of them being pain. But I find whenever I give in to Jesus, I feel more peace, more joy, more fulfillment, more meaning than I've ever felt in my life. And I think that's what following Jesus is all about. It's about living in his freedom, living in the new life that he provided for us through his death, and accepting the forgiveness he offers to us daily, every day.

I will be the first to say that I'm a control freak when it comes to my life. I have found out recently that I'm really independent, I really like to make my own decisions. And sometimes, I just don't like the idea of God having control over my life. Lemme paint a picture of it :

I'm on an airplane (aka my life), sitting in first class. I absolutely hate the way that the plane is being flown, I can't stand the turbulence. So I get up and walk into the cockpit, and the pilot (being God) is there-- He's calm, composed, has a lot of peace. Nothing is wrong. No little noises or blinking lights. Everything looks good. But I tap him on the shoulder anyway, and I ask him to give up his seat for a little while, because I want to be the pilot for a little while. I even go so far as to swipe his hat off his head and cross my arms. SO-- he gets up, and he lets me have a seat, and I look over my shoulder as he leaves and say something like "have a good time in first class". And what do you know? I am doing pretty good for just beginning! Everything is all hunky dory, just like it was when the pilot was there. I KNEW I could do a better job-- man, the flight is so much smoother!
But whoops, I hit a patch of turbulence. This flight is getting a little rough. It smooths out, but I hear a beeping noise, and there's a red light flashing at me-- oh great. I don't know what that means. I can see some dark clouds coming in, and sooner than I expect, I'm trying to fly through a storm. The wind is absolutely knocking me out of control. And I'm trying, trying, trying to gain control of the plane, and I absolutely can't. More lights, more noise-- I start to panic, and I can easily tell the plane will go down at any moment. So I look back and I shout as loud as I can for the pilot. And he comes rushing in, and I throw myself out of his seat, and he starts to take control... and he does things I don't even know how to do, and pushes all these buttons and switches, and the ride starts to smooth out. There is still some turbulence, but the plane is in control. The flight is back to normal. The passenger is safe. And I sit, staring at this pilot in awe, and wondering how on earth he did that so easily. I keep waiting for him to turn to me and give me an "I told you so" look, but he doesn't. He stays focused. And when the storm is passed and the turbulence is gone, he asks me if I'm better now. And I am.

Now I don't know about you, but that's how my life is without Jesus. I absolutely need him-- and I need to let him lead. I need to follow his path for me. I need to have trust and have faith and believe in his promises. Jesus gives life and new chances. And whenever I give in to him, I receive new life and new chances.

I kind of consider myself a baby Christian still. I have known Jesus as my Savior for about 9 years now, but I'm not very "seasoned". I've been tested by trials and have failed Jesus so many times, more than I can remember, more than I want to remember. However, his constant grace in my life is so humbling. And somehow, he uses me in others lives when I don't feel loving or generous, or open, or willing. He uses me, and it is all a process. My heart is in constant student mode-- always learning. There is not a time when I am perfectly consistent, and I really get tired of "doing good" and faking that everything is alright. Even THEN, God uses me. And he works in me. And he gives me lots of grace. That's encouraging to me.

So no matter what you're going through, remember that God's ways are higher than yours. He's got a bigger, better purpose for you. It's bigger than any trial that you're going through, I promise. Give in to God, and let him work in you and always speak life into others. Always be open to God using you, because you never know how you can impact someone's life by doing so. Let God work and some crazy awesome things will happen!